The One With: A Continuation of Friends
by John K
Summary: The 3rd episode: Chandler overreacts about a gray hair, Ross deals with cheating students, Monica and Rachel talk about Rachel's relationship with Ross, and Joey begins Phase 1 of Operation Get Lucky. In memory of September 11.
1. TOW the Star Trek Convention

Obligatory Disclaimer: All Friends characters belong to Warner Bros. and Bright, Crane, and Kaufman Productions.  
  
Living Situations: Rachel and Ross live in his apartment with Emma. Chandler and Monica live together in Monica's apartment. Joey lives alone at his place across the hall. Phoebe lives with Mike at her place.  
  
The One With The Star Trek Convention  
  
TEASER  
  
Monica and Chandler's Apartment (Monica, Joey, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are eating lunch, while Emma sleeps in her stroller.)  
  
Joey: Have you noticed that we never look out that big window anymore?  
  
Monica: What do you mean?  
  
Joey: I mean (gets up and walks to the huge window on the wall of the apartment), when Ugly Naked Guy lived across the street, we used to look at him all the time. Now, all we can see is Ugly Naked Ross (cringes).  
  
Monica: And now I'm going to throw up my lunch. Thanks, Joey.  
  
Joey: How do you think I felt when I saw Ross naked in his apartment? I was throwing up sandwiches left and right.  
  
Rachel: So this is what you do during your free time?  
  
Ross: I wouldn't talk; you're the one who likes to walk around nude in the living room while I'm at work.  
  
Joey: But it's Cute Naked Rachel that keeps me looking out the window.  
  
Rachel (gasping): Joey!  
  
(Joey and Ross high five each other.)  
  
[OPENING CREDITS]  
  
Monica and Chandler's Apartment (continued from before)  
  
(Chandler enters the room, strutting and smiling with some tickets in his hand.)  
  
Chandler: What a mighty fine day it is for the Chan-Chan Man!  
  
Phoebe: Why do you look so gleeful today?  
  
Chandler: I have in my hands, two fresh tickets for this Saturday's Star Trek Extravaganza!  
  
Ross (jumping up): Dude, no way! I thought all the tickets were sold out.  
  
Chandler: They were, but a co-worker of mine has to go to a wedding for the weekend, and so he gave them to me!  
  
Ross: Oh, man I want to go to that so bad; look, I don't know whom you were planning to take, but could you take me, please?  
  
Chandler: I was planning to take you, my friend.  
  
Monica: And not your wife?  
  
Chandler: Well, honey, I thought you didn't like Star Trek.  
  
Monica: Oh no, I hate it, but it would be nice to consider me first.  
  
Chandler: Ok then, I'll ask you first. Monica, would you like to go to the Star Trek convention with me? And then you say no. (to Ross) Dude, are you ready to go star trekkin'?  
  
Ross: I am soo ready; I haven't been to a convention since I was like, nine.  
  
Monica: That's because you tried to attack Captain Kirk at the autograph session.  
  
Ross: Hey, I tripped on my shoe lace and fell against his leg, ok?  
  
Monica: You almost knocked him over! Security escorted all of us out of the building!  
  
Ross: That is ancient history; he wouldn't recognize me now. Oh I wonder if my Klingon battle uniform still fits.  
  
Joey: You guys are dorks.  
  
Phoebe: I know, you'd be all like, "Yeah, beam me up, Scotty; whoo hoo hoo I'm a Trekker."  
  
Chandler: Actually Phoebe, it's Trekkie.  
  
Ross: Well, both terms are accepted now.  
  
(Chandler and Ross continue their conversation as the rest shake their heads in annoyance.)  
  
Joey's Apartment (Joey is sitting in his Barcalounger, reading a soap box; Phoebe walks in.)  
  
Phoebe: Hey.  
  
Joey: Hey Pheebs, what's up?  
  
Phoebe: I just said bye to Mike at the airport; he's going to be in California for a week to visit his family. I miss him already.  
  
Joey: That must suck, but hey you can hang out with me. We can spend the next few hours talking; it's been a long time since we talked just one on one.  
  
Phoebe: Ooh, yay! Ok, so what do you want to talk about?  
  
(brief moment of silence)  
  
Phoebe: I got something!  
  
Joey: All right; go ahead.  
  
Phoebe: Ever since Mike and I became serious in our relationship, I've been so happy. It feels so good having someone that you know is there for you. I can honestly see us spending the rest of our lives together.  
  
Joey (smiling): Aw, that's great Pheebs. I'm happy for you too.  
  
Phoebe: And not just that; it's like I have a new purpose to live now, you know.  
  
Joey (in acknowledgment): Yeah.  
  
Phoebe: I never really had a family before, with my mom killing herself and everything, but if things go even further with Mike, I could get married and become a mom to our children.  
  
Joey (smile has turned into a slight frown): Yeah.  
  
Phoebe: Oh, it's like I finally see my future in front of me and it's not some box on the street, like when I was homeless. It's a nice house, with kids playing in the front yard and me and Mike growing old and seeing them grow up and head to college and raise families on their own. You know that feeling you get when you can just see your destiny?  
  
Joey (now frowning): No! (He walks toward the door.)  
  
Phoebe: What? Joey, what are you going?  
  
Joey: I need to find my destiny!  
  
Madison Square Garden, Site of the Star Trek Extravaganza (Thousands of people are walking inside the arena, where many booths and activities are set up.)  
  
(Ross and Chandler enter through the entrance; Ross is wearing his Klingon armor costume, while Chandler has on a blue Starfleet uniform, ala Mr. Spock, complete with plastic Vulcan ears.)  
  
Ross: I can't believe they're holding this at Madison Square Garden; this place is so big!  
  
Chandler: I know, this makes those other conventions look like little tiny peons.  
  
(A party of three people pass; two of them, young kids, are in their Star Trek costumes and makeup; the third person, their older sister, is wearing normal clothing)  
  
Ross (standing straight up): Salutations, humans! Qa'pla! (Klingon for victory/success/luck)  
  
Boy #1: It's a funny looking Klingon!  
  
Woman: What a loser (walks away with the younger brothers).  
  
Chandler: Could you make a bigger ass out of yourself?  
  
Ross: Oh.  
  
Chandler: First of all, Ross, you never give the Klingon salute to civilians. They just don't understand.  
  
Joey's Apartment (Phoebe has convinced Joey to stay in the apartment and is comforting him.)  
  
Phoebe: Come on, Joey; I hate it when you're sad. Your aura gets so gray.  
  
(Monica and Rachel enter; Rachel is pushing Emma's stroller.)  
  
Rachel: Sorry we're late. We were changing the baby's diaper but Emma decided to start peeing all over the place.  
  
Monica: So why did you call us, Pheebs?  
  
Phoebe: Joey's depressed.  
  
Rachel: What's wrong, honey?  
  
Joey: I have no destiny!  
  
Monica: Ok. Could you be a little more specific, Joe?  
  
Joey: When Phoebe was talking about how happy she was with Mike and the future she was looking forward, I realized, what do I have to look forward to, except sex with chicks I hardly know?  
  
Rachel: I thought you liked it that way.  
  
Joey: I still do, but I'm thirty years old now. I thought that by this time, I would have a girl that I could really love, you know, someone that I could see spending my life with. Because let's face it, these boyish good looks aren't gonna last forever. I mean after I hit eighty-five, I'll just be old.  
  
Monica: Joey, you're still a really young guy; you'll find the right person.  
  
Rachel: That's right, and once you do, you'll be able to imagine your future too. You have a lot of time.  
  
Joey: But when will I find her? All of you guys already have partners you love.  
  
Rachel: I don't have anybody right now and neither does Ross.  
  
Joey: But you both have Emma to love and care for. I have no one.  
  
Phoebe: Joseph Francis!  
  
Joey: What?  
  
Phoebe: You may not have one single girl to marry right now, but until that happens you have plenty of people to care about like the five of us.  
  
Rachel: And Emma.  
  
Monica: And your parents and grandma and seven sisters.  
  
Phoebe: And most of all, yourself.  
  
Joey: Loving myself? Isn't that kind of a private subject, Pheebs?  
  
Phoebe (swatting his arm): Not that kind of love!  
  
Madison Square Garden, Site of the Star Trek Extravaganza (Ross and Chandler are waiting in a line to get autographs from William Shatner.)  
  
Ross: We're almost next in line; oh man, it's Captain Kirk! I never got his autograph the last time I saw him.  
  
Chandler: I still can't believe you tried to tackle him; I mean, even a Gorn monster couldn't take him down.  
  
Ross: Hey, I tripped and fell against his leg, ok?  
  
(As he says this, the person in front of them leaves and William Shatner is now directly facing them.)  
  
Shatner: Next, please.  
  
Chandler (whispering to Ross): All right, this is it; be cool, be cool. (face Shatner and extends his hand in the Vulcan shape) Greetings, Captain; live long and prosper.  
  
Shatner (kind of smiling): Right.  
  
Chandler: Oh, no I was just kidding around. The name's Chandler; it's an honor to meet you sir.  
  
Shatner: Don't worry about it. It's nice to meet you Chandler. Where are you from?  
  
Chandler: Here in New York City, the Village specifically, although it's anything but one.  
  
Shatner: That's great; here you go (hands him the autograph). Take care.  
  
Chandler: Thanks. (walks to the side and waits for Ross)  
  
Ross: Uh, hi.  
  
Shatner: Hi.  
  
Ross: Please let me say, it's so wonderful to finally meet you. I'm a huge fan of your work, Captai - I mean, Mr. Shatner.  
  
Shatner: It's okay, call me Bill. What's your name?  
  
Ross (looks over to Chandler and mouths 'Bill!'): It's Ross; I'm Chandler's friend. We both live here in NYC.  
  
Shatner: That's great; well here you go Ross - wait a minute, that name, it sounds familiar.  
  
Ross: Wha, what do you mean?  
  
Shatner: That name, those eyes (looks up), that hair. You're that nine- year old kid that tried to attack me! Security!  
  
Ross: What, no, that was an accident, Bill!  
  
Shatner: Don't call me Bill!  
  
Chandler (grabbing Ross' arm): Abort mission; get to emergency escape pods, escape pods!  
  
(Chandler and Ross run through the arena, trying to find an exit, but run into a group of security guards.)  
  
Shatner (snatching their autographs): I'll be taking those.  
  
Ross: I tripped and fell against your leg, ok?  
  
Joey's Apartment (Phoebe, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are still there. Phoebe: You feel any better, Joe?  
  
Joey: Yeah, a little; thanks guys.  
  
Monica: I'll tell you what; I'll make you that big sandwich you like with pastrami and swiss cheese -  
  
Joey: And jam?  
  
Monica: Jam with pastrami and cheese?  
  
Joey: Hey, you want to make me feel better right?  
  
(Monica begins the preparation as Ross and Chandler enter; their costumes are worn out. Ross' Klingon makeup has been rubbed away and Chandler's Spock ears are loose.)  
  
Joey: Hehehehehehehe, hahahahahahahaha!  
  
Phoebe: Now that's the laugh I like!  
  
[CLOSING CREDITS]  
  
Ross and Rachel's Apartment (Rachel is alone and has walked into the living room nude. She starts reading a magazine.)  
  
(She realizes something.)  
  
Rachel: Crap! I forgot to close the blinds. (looks out the window and gasps) I'm going to kill those guys!  
  
Monica and Chandler's Apartment (Joey, Ross, and Chandler are at the window.)  
  
Ross: You really can see everything that's going on in there.  
  
Joey: I know! It's great! 


	2. TOW All The Conversations

**Obligatory Disclaimer**: All _Friends_ characters belong to Warner Bros. and Bright, Crane, and Kaufman Productions.

**Living Situations:**

Rachel and Ross live in his apartment with Emma.

Chandler and Monica live together in Monica's apartment.

Joey lives alone at his place across the hall.

Phoebe lives with Mike at her place.

The One With All The Conversations

**TEASER**

**Central Perk** (Joey, Rachel, Ross, and Phoebe are sitting in their sofa and chairs, drinking coffee.)

**Rachel**: …And if you ever try to look at me naked across the street, I'll – 

**Joey**: Okay, okay; I get the point.  But if you don't want it to happen again, why can't you just close your curtains?

**Ross**: Yeah, I know; it's common courtesy to do that kind of stuff, especially when you're walking around nude.

**Joey**: Dude, that goes for you too; I think I lose a little bit more of my sight every time I see you with everything hanging out.

**Phoebe** (mimicking Ross): Yeah, I know; it's common courtesy to close your curtains, blah blah blah.

(Ross glares at Phoebe.)

**[OPENING CREDITS]**

**Central Perk** (continued from before; Chandler and Monica walk in.)

**Chandler**: Hello children.  (Greetings are exchanged.)

**Monica**: Guys, I have such great news.  Alessandro from the restaurant is planning to take a long break from working, so he wants me to take over the restaurant!

**Phoebe**: Oooh, yay!

**Rachel**: Yeah, that's so great honey; so is he's just going to give the restaurant to you?

**Monica**: No, he's offering half of the ownership to me, which would make me a equal partner in every aspect, not just the cooking.

**Ross**: We're all really happy for you, and I don't mean to sound like a pessimist – 

**Phoebe** (interrupting): Too late.

**Ross** (pauses, then continues): But how are you going to pay for your share of the ownership?

**Chandler**: Well, we were thinking about it, and I thought it would be best if I became a bounty hunter.

**Ross**: You don't have to be mean about it.

**Monica** (giggling): As long as the restaurant keeps making money after he leaves, my part of the ownership is paid and secure.  I'm just so happy right now.  (turns to Chandler)  Let's go back to our place.

**Chandler**: Mon, we just got here.

**Monica**: I want you now.

**Chandler**: And now we just got going; bye guys.

(Everyone says bye.  Chandler and Monica run out.)

**Ross** (with sarcasm): I just love it when my sister makes sexual passes in public.

**Joey**: Oh I know; it's awesome.  (The rest look at him in confusion.)

**Chandler**** and Monica's Apartment (Chandler and Monica are in bed.)**

**Chandler**: Wow that was amazing.

**Monica**: I know.

**Chandler** (holding Monica close): You know how much I love you, right?

**Monica**: Yeah I do.  I love you too.

**Chandler**: So…you know what I was thinking about today?

**Monica**: What's that?

**Chandler**: Women.

**Monica**: I had better be one of them.

**Chandler**: Hear me out; why is it that some women use a separate shampoo and conditioner?  I mean you can save so much time just getting one of those brands that has them already mixed together.

**Monica**: That's because you have to clean your hair with the shampoo before you make it smoother and stronger.  That's where the conditioner comes in.

**Chandler**: But if you have them both, you're cleaning and conditioning at the same time.

**Monica**: Not necessarily; sometimes the conditioner part of it touches the hair before the shampoo can completely clean it.  You don't want to condition dirty hair.

**Chandler**: But they're working at the same time!

**Monica**: Honey, why the hell are you getting so worked up for?  Are you not getting enough work at your job?

**Chandler**: I just think it's a waste of time to do one thing after another just for your hair.  And yeah, what is up with you all using these fancy, expensive shampoos?  Soap is soap.

**Monica** (getting into a bathrobe): I have an idea to solve your little problem; go to the bathroom.

**Chandler**: What are you doing?

**Monica**: You are going to wash your hair using a separate Herbal Essences shampoo and a separate conditioner.

**Chandler**: Herbal Essences?  Isn't that for girls?

(Monica nudges Chandler into the bathroom.)

**Joey's Apartment** (Joey is in the living room, practicing his Drake Ramoray lines for _Days_.)

**Joey** (looking at the script, then towards the TV): Mrs. DuBois, I have good news; the neurosurgery was a complete success and your daughter will be just fine.

(now playing **Mrs. DuBois**): Oh, thank you so much, Doctor; how can I ever thank you?

(**Drake): Well, you already paid me the fee for the surgery, but I wouldn't mind…a kiss.  (wraps his arms around himself and makes kissing noises)**

(A series of "Oh Drake!" ensues as Phoebe and Mike enter.)

**Phoebe**: Oh, I'm sorry, Joe; were we interrupting your imaginary make out session?

**Joey** (notices and regains composure): Hey guys; um, I was just practicing my lines.  What are you guys doing here?

**Mike**: Well, Phoebe was telling me how you wanted to find a girl.

**Joey**: I'm always looking for girls.

**Mike**: For a long term relationship.

**Joey**: Oh, yeah, right.

**Phoebe**: After we talked, we came up with a really good plan.

**Joey**: That's really considerate, guys; thanks.  So what's the first thing you want me to do?

**Mike**: Don't have sex.

**Joey**: What!?  Are you insane?

**Phoebe** (to Mike): Don't ever start a sentence like that when you're talking to Joey.  (to Joey) What he meant to say was that if you started a relationship with a girl that wasn't based on sex, you would start to get to know her in a lot of meaningful ways.

**Joey**: I've had plenty of meaningful relationships.

**Mike**: Have you ever had a first date without sex?

**Joey**: No, but that's not the point.  There's no way I'm starving the little general!

**Phoebe**: We're not asking you to do that; we're just saying that maybe you should let it go hungry for a little while.

**Joey**: But how will that solve my problem?

**Mike**: If you're not always looking for the sex, you'll be noticing other things about women like how smart or funny they may be.

**Phoebe**: And if you don't feel any connection, you can just end it and move on.

**Joey**: Can I still sleep with them if it doesn't work out?

**Phoebe**: That would be your call.

**Ross and Rachel's Apartment** (Rachel is feeding Emma in the living room; Ross is making a few drinks.)

**Ross**: So what do you when you're walking around here naked?

**Rachel**: You're still interested in that topic?

**Ross**: Talking about you walking around naked is always interesting, Rach.  But seriously, what do you do?

**Rachel**: Regular stuff, I guess; you know, reading, listening to music.  I should ask you the same question, (smiling) Ugly Naked Ross.

**Ross**: The same stuff, but I have to wash the dishes you leave behind every night (Rachel glares).  I don't know, it just feels kind of liberating not having any clothes on.

**Rachel**: I feel the same way; every time you touch something, it's really direct.  But I don't get to do it very much, what with work and you being around too – 

**Ross**: Wait, I don't want to stop from doing something you want to do, especially that.

**Rachel**: What, I should just walk around nude in front of you?

(Ross smiles and raises his eyebrow.)

**Rachel**: Oh, grow up!

**Ross**: But what's stopping us from doing that in front of each other; it's not like we've never seen the other person naked before.  

**Rachel**: I don't know; wouldn't it be weird?

**Ross**: Maybe at first, but if you think about it, we'd still doing regular things like talking and joking around, just without clothing.  Hey, and you could shave precious seconds off breast feeding Emma since you wouldn't have any clothes on.

**Rachel **(laughing): Yeah, I can see how eager you are, because you get a treat every time.  What do I get?

**Ross**: Hey, I may not be ultra buff or anything, but I look pretty darn good.

**Rachel** (laughing): Oh my God, that's the hardest I've laughed in a while.

**Ross**: Come on, Rach, what do you say?

(Scene changes suddenly; Rachel and Ross are now naked on the sofa, talking and drinking some beer.)

**Rachel**: You know; this doesn't feel uncomfortable. It's kind of nice.

**Ross**: It really is and if I may say, you look really good.

**Rachel** (smiling): Thank you.

**Ross**: My dreams will be great tonight.

****

**Joey's Apartment** (Joey, Phoebe, and Mike are there; continued from before)

**Phoebe**: Before you go off trying to find a girl, we should make a list of qualities that you like in a girl.  What would your ideal woman be like?

**Joey**: Ok, um, she has to be hot.

**Mike** (writing): Ok, keep going.

**Joey**: She has to be pretty thin, nice legs, great butt, good boobs, did I mention hot?

**Mike**: Yeah, and I think the legs, butt, and boobs are pretty much implied when you say hot.

**Phoebe**: What about her personality?  What kind of things do you look for in that?

**Joey**: Hmm, that's a good question.  I guess I'd want her to be smart and funny, not boring.  But when I think about it, she should be patient too, because I can do some pretty stupid stuff sometimes.

**Phoebe** (suddenly laughs, then stops): Sorry.

**Joey**: Actually, can we finish the list later?  I gotta think about this for a while; until now, I never really considered all of that stuff.

**Phoebe & Mike**: Yeah, absolutely Joe.

**Joey**: Thanks guys; do you want anything to drink?

**Mike**: Yeah, I could use a beer.

**Joey**: Same here. (walks directly across the hall to Monica and Chandler's apartment)

**Mike**: He's a soap actor who makes thousands of dollars a day and he can't buy his own beer?

**Phoebe** (opening Joey's fridge, revealing a lot of beer): It's almost become a force of habit for him to eat Monica's and Chandler's food.

**Monica and ****Chandler****'s Apartment (Joey enters and opens the fridge as Chandler and Monica leave their bedroom.)**

**Chandler** (touching his hair): Oh…my…God!  My hair feels like strands of ever so smooth silk!

**Monica**: See, that's what happens when you take the time to take care of your hair.

**Joey** (with a beer in his hand): Hey guys.  What are you talking about?

**Monica**: Chandler used Herbal Essences to wash his hair.

**Joey**: Oh I love that; it's great!

**Chandler**: You use Herbal Essences?

**Joey**: Yeah! (pauses)  Wait, are you talking about the shampoo or the commercial?

**[ENDING CREDITS]**

**Monica and ****Chandler****'s Apartment (Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, Mike, and Joey are in the living room talking.)**

**Mike** (looking out the window): Oh my gosh!  Guys, come here!

(The rest head to the window and see Ross and Rachel talking in their apartment naked.)

**Joey**: Oh man, Ross is blocking Rachel; get out of the way, dude!

**Chandler**: My eyes, they're burning, but they're compelled to keep looking! (Monica slaps him on the arm.)

****

**Ross and Rachel's Apartment** (They've now realized what's going on.)

**Rachel**: Damn it, not again! (runs over and closes the curtain)

**Ross**: Why do we keep forgetting to do that?


	3. TOW Chandler's Pre MidLife Crisis

**Obligatory Disclaimer**: All _Friends_ characters belong to Warner Bros. and Bright, Crane, and Kaufman Productions.

**Living Situations:**

**Rachel** and **Ross** live in his apartment with Emma.

**Chandler** and **Monica** live together in Monica's apartment.

**Joey** lives alone at his place across the hall.

**Phoebe** lives with Mike at her place.

The One With Chandler's Pre Mid-Life Crisis

TEASER

**Central Perk** (Joey has just finished talking to a girl at the coffee counter; she is leaving as Phoebe and Mike enter.)

**Phoebe**: Hey, Joe, who was that girl?

**Joey** (smiling): That was Miranda; we're going on a date tonight.

**Mike**: Cool, but remember what we talked about; get to know her first.

**Joey**: Hey, you can trust me.

**Phoebe**: Oh, I almost forgot; did you ever finish that list?

**Joey** (pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket): Yeah, I did, actually.  I even used Chandler's computer to make it look nice.

**Mike** (nodding and taking the paper): Impressive.  So do you think Miranda has all of these qualities?

**Joey**: I'm not sure yet; I'll find out during the date.

**Phoebe**: Well, let's read them out loud and you can agree or disagree.  Number 1: She must like sandwiches.

**Joey**: We're going to this nice deli for our date.

**Phoebe**: Number 2: She's must be hot.

**Joey** **& ****Mike: Yeah she is.  (Phoebe looks at Mike.)**

**Mike**: Hey, I have eyes; I'm not blind. (Phoebe continues to glare at him.)  I love you.

[OPENING CREDITS]

**Monica** **and ****Chandler****'s Apartment (Ross and Rachel are eating breakfast; Monica is in the living room with Emma and her stroller; she's trying to feed her.)**

**Monica**: Where's the spoon?  (moves the spoon in front of Emma)  There's the spoon!  (feeds her)  Good girl.  Do you know who I am?  It's Monica.  Can you say Monica?  Mo-nee-ca?  I'll give you some ice cream if you say Monica.

**Rachel**: Mon, she's like five months old; she can barely make happy noises.  Although I could use some ice cream right now, Mo-nee-ca.

(The door suddenly flies open; Chandler quickly enters with two mirrors in his hands.)

**Monica**: Honey, what are you doing?

**Chandler**: What am I doing?  What do you think I'm doing? (continues to move his mirrors over his head)

**Ross**: Are you trying to use the mirrors so sunlight will burn your hair?

**Chandler**: This morning, while I was in the bathroom, I was combing my hair when I noticed _this_. (points to a random spot on his head.  The others move in closer.)

**Ross**: I don't see anything.

**Chandler**: You can't tell?  It's so obvious!

**Rachel**: But everybody gets a few split ends.

**Chandler**: No, _this_.

**Ross**: You mean that little gray hair?

(Joey enters.)

**Joey**: I could hear Chandler all the way from my apartment; what's going on?

**Ross**: Chandler's freaking out because he found a gray hair on his head.

**Chandler**: Oh no, my friend, it is not just a gray hair; it's like some kind of gray follicle that's mocking me and my old age.

**Monica**: You are anything but old, Chandler.

**Rachel**: Yeah, what is the big deal?  So you got a gray hair; it's probably from all the stress at work.

**Chandler**: I do spend a lot of time on my WENUS.

(Joey starts giggling.)

**Chandler**: Oh come on, man, I've already explained what it is hundreds of times.

**Monica**: Why don't you just pull it out or something?

**Joey**: No, you can't do that; you know what they say: when you pull out one gray hair, two more grow in its place.

**Chandler** (even more panicked): What?  It reproduces?!

**Ross**: Whoa, calm down, man.

**Chandler**: I can't calm down; I'm only thirty years old, this kind of stuff shouldn't be happening to me yet.

**Ross**: If it's that important, you can dye that one little hair to your normal color.

**Chandler**: That's what I thought, but then it'd be like admitting defeat you know?  All the gray hairs of the world would laugh in my face.

**Monica**: But what can you do?  You can't cut it and you can't dye it since you have some kind of really weird perception of gray hairs mocking you.

**Chandler**: Wait, I know!  The whole hair isn't gray, just the top part.  I'll just it cut it off!

**Ross** (with sarcasm): Wow, what a brilliant plan.

**Chandler**: I know!  (He runs into the bathroom.)

**Ross** (grabbing his briefcase): I've got to get to work; I'm looking forward to lecturing about the hunting habits of velociraptors.  I think that'll finally get the class excited about paleontology.

**Rachel**: Your class wouldn't be excited even if real velocirap-whatever started getting it on in the room.

**Ross**: Thanks for the encouragement, Rach.  Bye guys.

(Byes are exchanged.)

**Joey**: I've got to go too; I'm meeting with Phoebe and Mike to prepare for Phase I of Operation Get Lucky.

**Monica** (completely confused): I'll ask about that later.  See you, Joe.

**Rachel**: Bye, honey.  (Monica and Rachel sit down.)

**Monica**: That was an interesting morning.

**Rachel**: Yeah.

(Chandler emerges from the bathroom holding a mirror.)  Would either of you a pair of garden shears?

**Monica**: We have scissors.

**Chandler**: I know, but I figure if I have big cutting tools, it'll scare the gray hair so it'll never come back.

**New York********University**** – Ross' Palentology Class (Ross has just finished his lecture and is about to dismiss his class.)**

**Ross**: Make sure all of you read Chapters 15 and 17 for the upcoming test.  I've also posted grades for your midterm on the bulletin board in the hallway.  Also, can I speak to Mr. Adams, Ms. Savoy, and Mr. Biggins?

(The students leave and three mentioned students head to Ross' desk.)

**Adams**: Is there a problem, Professor?

**Ross**: Yes, there is; I had three of you zeros for your midterms.

**Biggins**: What?!  Why?

**Ross**: During the test, I saw the three of you looking at each other's tests and whispering.  I almost didn't catch you since you were sitting so far back.  Bottom line, cheating is unacceptable and I will fail people if they do it.

**Savoy**: Why are you picking on us, Professor?  There were a lot of other people cheating too.

**Ross**: What?  There were others?

**Biggins**: Yeah, lots of kids cheat all the time, it's almost common nowadays.

**Ross**: I never cheated in school.

**Adams**: That's because you're old.  (Ross glares at him.)  Sorry.

**Ross**: Well, that kind of thing is not going to happen in my classroom anymore.

**Savoy**: But now that you know about everybody cheating, can you let us go with a stern warning?

**Ross** (sighing): I'll think about it, maybe; you can go.

**Monica and ****Chandler****'s Apartment (Monica and Rachel are in the living room, talking.)**

**Monica**: So have you been having sex with my brother lately?

**Rachel**: No!

**Monica**: Well, we all saw you two naked in your apartment the other day.

**Rachel**: We were just talking Mon.

**Monica**: I didn't realize talking without your clothes on was the new thing.

**Rachel**: We both like occasionally doing normal things naked but we only did them when one was us was alone.  But Ross suggested that we shouldn't care.

**Monica**: Isn't that awkward?  You're not together with him anymore.

**Rachel**: It ended up being really fun.  We're not uptight about it at all now.

**Monica**: So you're saying there's no attraction at all when you two do this?

**Rachel** (hesitating, just a little): I wouldn't say no attraction.  I still find him attractive even with his clothes on.

**Monica** (smiling): Do you think this could lead somewhere, someday?

**Rachel**: No…maybe.  I really don't know, Mon.  You know I never stopped loving him, I'm not sure if I could ever get back together with him.  I think Ross feels the same way.

(Chandler enters, looking tired and depressed.  He drops his briefcase on the floor and sits next to Monica, where he holds her.)

**Monica**: Did you have a bad day at work, or did someone make fun of you?

**Chandler**: I feel old.

**Rachel**: Didn't you get rid of that gray hair?

**Chandler** (sits back up): I did, but I shouldn't have had to; I read all the time that thirty is supposed one of your last peaks of youth, but instead it's like the beginning of the end.  You know, by the time I'm forty, little kids will scream, "Let's throw rocks at that geezer Bing's house!"  And then I'll come out with my broom, shaking my hand like some kind of poorly acted cartoon character. (to Monica) And what's worse is that you'll be there when I'm old too.

**Monica**: Excuse me?

**Chandler**: I mean you'll still be beautiful and wonderful, being way too good for an old man like me.

**Monica**: Chandler, you're not old; you're not even close.

**Rachel**: Yeah, instead of looking of that hair as omen, look at it as a sign that you're growing up.  You're working hard to support your family.  I remember how aloof you were when I first met you.  Now you have a purpose in life and that's a good thing.

**Monica**: Rachel's right; you once told me that no matter what I looked like, how big or small I became, you'd always love me.  Well, that goes for you too.

**Rachel**: So stop going through this pre mid-life crisis.  You're not supposed to have it for at least another fifteen years, ok?

(Chandler hugs Monica and Rachel.)

**Chandler**: Thanks.  Hey Mon, is that a gray hair? (Monica looks around frantically.)

**Monica** (hits him in the arm): Don't joke around like that!

**Jerry's Fine Delicatessen and Eatery** (Joey is eating lunch with his date, Miranda.  The restaurant is bustling with activity.)

**Miranda**:…so that's when I knew I wanted to become a teacher.  When I saw that kid smile and understand, it felt so good.

**Joey**: That's great; you like kids?

**Miranda**: I love working with them.  Do you enjoy your job at _Days of our Lives_?

**Joey**: I really enjoy it, but I'm always for other projects to expand my range.  Hey, can I ask you a question?

**Miranda**: Sure.

**Joey**: Now, even though I've only known you for a little while, I can already tell that you're so smart and funny and motivated.

**Miranda**: Thanks, that's sweet.

**Joey**: Yeah, I know.  But if I could ask you, if you had kids, do you think you'd be a good mother?

**Miranda**: Uh, I haven't really thought about that; I'd try to be the best mom I could.

**Joey**: Ok…oh let's assume we were married and had kids.  I have to work full time.  Would you have the _patience to wait until the kids were at a decent age before going back to work?_

**Miranda**: What?  I don't think this is an appropriate question for our first date.

**Joey**: Well, I'm just trying to see how much of a match we are.

**Miranda**: What are you talking about?

**Joey**: I didn't want to mention this, but I made a list of qualities that I'm looking for in a woman.  I mean, if we don't match on enough of these, we shouldn't waste our time, you know?

(The scene cuts to Phoebe's apartment.  Phoebe and Mike are talking to Joey.)

**Phoebe**: You told her about the list?!  What did we say?

**Joey**: Hey, I wanted – 

**Phoebe**: What did we say?

**Joey**: Don't talk about the list.  But I wanted to get to the point.  You guys said I should get to know her during the date and that's what I was doing.

**Mike**: You don't try to know everything on the first date.  Some of the stuff you wrote down is really personal; you shouldn't talk about it too soon.  It'll just scare women away.

**Joey** (sighing in frustration): This is so hard.  Why can't I just find the right girl now?

**Phoebe** (hugging Joey): It's never that easy, Joey; I had to go through so many failed relationships and Mike suffered through a terrible marriage before we found each other.  But it feels so worth it when it happens.  Trust us on that.

**Joey**: Thanks Pheebs, you too Mike.

**New York University – Ross' Paleontology Class** (Ross' class is taking a test; he's walking up and down the aisles, observing and making sure no one is cheating.)

**Ross** (notices a student stretching his neck): Hey hey hey, mister.  Keep your eyes on your paper.

(A few minutes pass.)

**Ross**: Ok time's up.  Finish whatever answer you're on and make a stack of tests on the tests.  Have a good weekend, everyone. (He looks at the top test paper; it reads "Bite me, Mr. Geller.")  Insults are not appreciated, Mr. Fuller!

[ENDING CREDITS]

**Chandler**** and Monica's Apartment (It is early morning as Monica, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Mike are standing on the balcony.  They are each holding a yellow rose.)**

(Ross and Rachel enter with Emma in a stroller.  They're holding yellow roses as well.)

**Ross** (to Monica): I hope we're not late.

**Monica**: You're just in time.  (Ross, Rachel, and Emma join the others.  There's a radio on the ledge.)

**Radio**: And on this day, we commemorate the second anniversary of September 11, 2001.  Let us observe a moment of silence in remembrance.

(Everyone holds hands and bow their heads, their yellow flowers fluttering in the wind.)

**Remember, reflect, and never forget.  In memory of September 11, 2001.**


End file.
